I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
