No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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