hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
