I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
