your room smells of hookers.
And success
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
