I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
