They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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