Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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