Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
