i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
