My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
