I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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