I think I died a long time ago.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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