i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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