He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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