I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
