Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
