I will die if light touches me.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
