But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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