I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
