so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
