If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
