return my video game
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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