I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
