Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
