I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
