This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
