he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
