like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We are all done wearing pants today
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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