How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
