Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
