I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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