I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
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I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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