You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
