just come out here and I will go home with you...
they need to just BURY HIM!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
