I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I cut my penus on the lid.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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