so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
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