A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My liver is preforming stress tests.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
