someone threw a dead crab at me
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
