Who wears a wallet chain?!
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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