He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
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I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
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I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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