I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
