No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
