This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
