I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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