You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
