The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
