We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
