its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
God, I missed his penis.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
