Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Hippo gnu deer
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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