we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
