My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I enjoy the company of your penis
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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