you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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