He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
