do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
