this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
