Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
