turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize