This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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