Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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