even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
