Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
